Starting Over at 50
Starting over at 50? You don't have to do it alone. Hosted by a divorced dad of three teenage daughters, this podcast delivers expert advice on finance and personal growth. Discover how to thrive in your next chapter with actionable tips from top professionals designed to help you regain your footing and your confidence.
Starting Over at 50
009: Your Thoughts Become Things. Conor Delaney on Breaking Generational Curses
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Podcast Show Notes: Showing Up for the People Who Matter Most with Conor Delaney
Episode Overview
Conor Delaney is the founder and CEO of Good Life Companies based in Orlando, Florida. He leads a team of nearly 200 financial advisors across the country. Father of five. And one of those people who makes you want to be better just by listening to him. We get into how your thoughts shape your reality. How to break cycles that have followed your family for generations. How to stay present with your kids when life is pulling you everywhere. And what it means to show up for the people who matter most.
Key Topics Discussed
The Annual Marriage Retreat Conor and his wife Liz have done this for seven years. Three days of focused time with no distractions.
Deposits and Withdrawals Life is a series of deposits and withdrawals. Every relationship is too. The goal: give more than you take out. When you come home, push past the kids and hug your wife first. Let them see that mom and dad are good.
The Power of the Tongue Conor's dad passed away at 52. He was a great man but spoke negatively over his own life for years. Conor believes those words shaped his outcome. The lesson: what comes out of your mouth becomes your reality.
Turning Curses into Blessings One of his daughters said divorce "runs in the family." His response: that's not who you are. Be specific about what you're speaking over your kids' lives.
Seven Marathons, Seven Continents, Seven Days Conor broke his leg two days before leaving for Africa. Antarctica was negative 30 degrees with 50 mph winds. In Miami, the ligament tore completely at mile three. His daughter Blake ran a lap with him at mile 17. She said "Dad, I can't hear you be in pain anymore." His response: "We don't quit. That's our new DNA." All five kids were waiting at the finish line.
Building the Compound Conor is buying houses around his property so his kids can live nearby when they're grown. "The chaos of the world can be over there. As long as I'm alive, they'll know there's protection."
Memorable Quotes
"Life is a series of deposits and withdrawals. You hope that in those relationships, you can say I've given more than I've taken out."
"Your thoughts become things. The words coming out of your mouth, if you're not careful, become your reality."
"To get through the pain, you have to go through. So many people quit right on the doorstep of the breakthrough."
Key Takeaways
- Make your spouse the number one client. What would you do for your best client? Do that for them.
- Your words shape your future. Speak life over yourself and your kids.
- Show your kids that mom and dad are good. Let them see it.
- Don't quit on the doorstep of the breakthrough. The pain is part of it.
- Build for generations. Think about where your kids will live and what legacy you're leaving.
Website: https://www.goodlifeco.com/
About the Guest
Conor Delaney is the founder and CEO of Good Life Companies based in Orlando, Florida. He leads nearly 200 financial advisors nationwide. He started as a financial advisor at 19 and was the top advisor among more than a thousand by 26. He lost his father a week after graduating high school. He's been with his wife Liz since they were teenagers. Five kids. Recently completed seven marathons on seven continents in seven days—the last 26 miles on a broken leg with his daughter by his side.
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Connect: gabe@moreclientsmorefun.com
Welcome to Starting Over at 50, the podcast for those navigating the financial restart of their lives while building something meaningful for the people they love most. I'm your host, Gabe McManus. I'm 53, a father of three teenage daughters, and like many of you listening, I'm figuring out how to rebuild financial security after divorce while still creating the experiences and opportunities I want for my kids. This isn't a show about perfect financial plans, but it is about the real questions we're sometimes afraid to ask out loud. Will I have to work until I die? How do I prioritize when everything feels urgent? Am I making a mistake choosing experiences with my kids now over saving more for retirement? Each episode I sit down with financial advisors and other experts to understand what we're going through. Because let's be honest, starting over at 50, while trying to pay for private school, college, aging parents, and maybe still have a life, that requires more than just good advice. It requires someone who gets it. Connor Delaney is the founder and CEO of Good Life Companies based in Orlando, Florida. He leads a team of nearly 200 financial advisors across the country. He's a father of five, and one of those people who makes you want to be better just by listening to him. We get into how your thoughts shape your reality, how to break cycles that have followed your family for generations, and how to stay present with your kids when life is pulling you everywhere. And also what it means to show up for the people who matter most. Hey Connor, welcome to the podcast. So glad to get to talk to you today.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely, man. Thanks for having me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, of course. How are you doing? How's the week going?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's going well, man. We actually just got back from a couple day trip um to Mexico. My wife and I, we do every once a year, we do like a little marriage retreat just to make sure we're locked in with the kids and everything like that. And so got got home last night and uh kind of right back in the driver's seat today. So it's good.
SPEAKER_01Wait, does the whole family go or is it just you and your wife?
SPEAKER_02Oh no, it's just you know, it's it's funny. We pick a place that is not, there's not, you know, lazy rivers and all this stuff that is totally distracting and whatnot. It's usually a pretty low-key um resort. And the goal of this is um I'll spend a couple days before going, a little bit of time each morning just kind of getting in the right frame of mind to go. And then for uh for three days, we are focused on making sure that our marriage is good and that our like we'll plan what we're doing with the kids for that year. We'll make sure that we're aligned and that our uh our hearts are good and our heads are good so that we can come home, you know, better parents, better best friends, better everything. And it winds up uh winds up working out, man. We've done it maybe seven years in a row now, and uh every year there's been different revelations that that we feel just in that quiet time that we were able to hear things and reconnect in a way that you don't always get to when you're stuck in the world, you know.
SPEAKER_01Right. Seven years now. So who came up with this idea?
SPEAKER_02You know, it was it was my idea, and I forget where I came up with it, but there's there's marriage retreats kind of all over the place. Right. And but what we were finding was that there's a lot of curriculum for for those that are needing to reverse course on a marriage, so they are getting in with the hope of saving something. And we didn't really find the right curriculum to say, like, if things are going well, how do we just make sure that that we're we're watering that plant every year and making it a little bit better, you know? So I actually just started building the the specific each year curriculum based on where we're at and some of the the places that we've accelerated in the last year, some of the places that we've struggled. And then, like I said, I'll lead Liz in like a morning devotional, and then we have a couple hours to kind of hang out and and actually have fun, enjoying each other. And then um we'll we'll be very specific after dinner to to to conquer something, whether that's the kids' sports for the year or um the the schooling stuff or whatever the case is, or she'll lean into the business and see see how things are going there. And it's just that cool, uninterrupted time that that we can hear each other differently than we can when we're here, you know?
SPEAKER_01Right. I think it's so easy. And and I've been divorced for two years now, but it's so easy just when you're in the thick of things with life and kids and work to lose that connection and that communication. So the fact that you've intentionally made it something where it's prioritized. I could see how you know, looking ahead that that's something key to keep in mind.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I mean, so I tell my kids um life is a series of deposits and withdrawals. Yeah. And every relationship is a series of deposits and withdrawals. And you hope that in those relationships that you're participating in, that you can say, I've given more than I've taken out. And so the cool thing in in our marriage, and Liz and I have been together since we were teenagers, yeah. The cool thing though is that we're always in that mindset of leading with that servant's heart. And so, you know, we're we're kind of not outdoing each other, but my one of my greatest callings in my life is to to to take care of her and to protect her and to um and to shepherd her life, you know. And one of my first uh mentors told me, no matter how big your business gets, no matter what you do, always make sure that Liz is your number one client. And if you do that, then it's like, what would you do for your top client? I'd I'd take a phone call in the middle of the night. I'd drive from here to the other end of this the world. I would go out of my way for them. So so many times, especially in our business, what happens is we're so busy serving the clients, the financial advising clients, that we forget that there's somebody at home, which in many cases was the reason why you started this business to begin with, that doesn't feel the same way that they did when you were recruiting them to be a part of your team, you know? And so it's been it's been cool to keep that and keep her at the forefront of of everything that I do, you know.
SPEAKER_01I think that's such a great idea. And it makes me think because when I get busy with work and my kids are around and they're wanting me to do something, dad, let's go take a walk, let's go to dinner, and I have to say, I'm sorry, I've got meetings, I can't do it. Have you found, Connor, that there's times where it's more difficult to keep her as the number one client? And then how do you get back to making sure that she's at the forefront?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, well, yes, because it's her and it's also five kids, right? So there's um there's there's a lot of people that are are um jockeying for space.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's some competing demands.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but the cool thing is like they I and I always like give thanks for for the fact that they want my attention. You know what I mean? Like like you're losing the battle when you walk out the door and your kids don't even notice, or when you get home and they they don't even notice, you know? So cool, you're getting you're you're leaving your house and you're getting into the BMW, but your heart is broken because your kids don't give a crap. And like for me, I like that that was never an exchange that I I wanted to make. And so we just kind of plan for it differently. And and so, so how do you how do you meet the the demands and expectations? I think a lot of it comes to intentionality. It's like, what do we want, what do we want our legacy to be, and how are we making those deposits every day to increase the probability of of that of us getting what we were hopeful to get as fathers, as husbands, as whatever, and then to create the right conditions for success for the kids to to to thrive. Um, and and again, you don't do it well all the time. Uh, I I probably do it less than well most of the time, but um but you know, if if at the end of the day you're you you know your kids are are there with the hope that you'll be there at home in time to to tuck them in or something like that, that's when you know you're winning winning the battle. You know, my my daughter's 13. Um, we have 13, 11, 9, 5, and 1. And, you know, when when you still have that great relationship at 13, that she wants you to tuck her in, or she wants you to to read her a story, or she wants you to be a part of what she's going through, or to help her with a basketball play or something like that, that far beats the any kind of professional award you could be receiving if it came at the cost of that connection with your kids, you know.
SPEAKER_01Right, right. And that's where I never want to have to say no, but when I'm looking at, okay, so from divorce, what I wanted more than anything was the kids to be able to move forward, not get derailed by it, not adversely affected. I didn't want to have to say no, but sometimes things change. And with finances, you know, two family, two incomes separated, now it's just mine. And so I love the inspiration of what you're saying, but when it comes to this is difficult, this is hard, I'm trying to like make it through some tougher times and get to the light at the end of the tunnel. What would you say to that? What are the things to keep prioritizing how to keep moving forward financially, but then also with these relationships?
SPEAKER_02That's a great question. I I think for us, um it's it's a lot less of a focus on on a transaction, yeah, and a lot more of a focus on um on being intentional with their hearts. And and so, you know, what I mean by that, and and we see it a lot, we work with a lot of folks that have gone through divorce and and hardship and whatnot, is that you're right, it's the competing attention. It also becomes this um uh sort of scorecard where um I have to make sure that I'm now not only meeting the demands of all my friends' uh parents, but I also have to meet the demands of my ex-wife or whatever the case is. And what I would say is like the the cool thing about seeing this over the last 15 or 20 years, just in the work that we do, is that um if if you are specific, intentional, and almost predictable with with being concerned with their well-being and with their emotion and with their heart, then that need for that transaction becomes less and less important. And so what what we have found with our friends that have gone through similar things that what you've gone through is is um keep them grounded in how important it is to that that God chose me to be their dad, the protector of their life, um, more so than like, hey, you want to go to Disney World, which just so happens to be easy for me because I live five minutes away from it. But you know, it's not about that next dopamine hit, it's about intentionality and consistency, especially when they're young and you're kind of trying to manage through a lot of the things that go along with being a young kid these days, you know?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. You said something that I've heard about turning gen generational curses into and replacing them with generational blessings. And I was thinking about that because when when I got divorced, one of the kids said to me, She said, Well, the grandparents got divorced, you and mom got divorced. I think it runs in the family. And I said, That's I don't that's not gonna be the case for you. It doesn't have to be. And so when you said that, it struck me hard. Could you tell me how you came to think about that and how you made it happen where curses didn't have to continue and that you could move to blessings?
SPEAKER_02So um it's the power of the tongue. I really believe that. I know there's scripture that supports that as well. But you know, um, your thoughts become things, and the words are coming out of your mouth, if you're not careful, becomes the um, you know, the your reality. Um I I I I learned that as a young kid, my father passed away. My dad was the best person I I've ever met. Um, great man, school teacher, changed the life of so many kids. But behind closed doors, he was always so negative. You know, he's like, uh man, I'm I'm not successful, or you know, money doesn't grow on trees, or why can't I get ahead, or I'm always this, or I'm always that. And so when he passed away at 52, after a whole body of work of daily things coming off of his tongue that weren't um aligned with great outcomes, people were surprised that how could he die? He was so young and it happened so fast. But if you knew the influence that your thoughts and your and the words coming out of your mouth can be, some might be shocked that he lived to 52, you know, because he spoke though that curse out every day. And so, man, my encouragement to you would be to make sure that you pull up and specifically talk about that with your little girl, to say, like, hey, that may have been what the past called for because of circumstances and things that were out of my control and out of grandma's control and out of, you know, but that's not who you are. In fact, you know, the the the the prayer that I have over you every night is that that you know you will find that person uh that's that's that is put on this earth for you. It's funny, I had my daughter, um, she's like I said, she's 13, and um she's we homeschool her and and and so she's playing basketball a couple weeks ago, and and in the game, um the boys' team are sitting up a couple of rows behind me, and they're not used to seeing you know my daughter, she doesn't go to school there. And so I start to hear these these boys, you know, oh, who's that number four, and this and that. And I'm I'm minding my own business, which is hard as a father, you know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's on stuff.
SPEAKER_02And uh, and the coach who's a friend of mine, he must have gotten the kids' attention. And he said, guys, tone it down because as quick as they were chirping about number four, it stopped, right? So I'm telling my daughter about it after the game, and um, and she said to me uh the next day, she said, Dad, I think you might have read the room wrong because of one of the kids on my basketball team said that another kid on the on the boys' basketball team said that I looked like a statue playing defense or something dumb. And I said, Okay, Blake, let's let's break this down. Number one, the I want you to have incredible street smarts. And so let's just funnel this down. You are a tall girl that looks different than anybody else in your team and happens to be a pretty good basketball player. So let's let's eliminate that as a possibility that he thought that you were an ugly kid that didn't know how to play basketball and narrow it down to what he actually was going for. So I was kind of teaching her these life lessons, and at the end she said, Dad, um, I'm I'm gonna be 14 and I've never been asked out on a date. I said, Well, you know, here's the thing dads a lot of times go, Well, that's good. You're not gonna date until you're 25, or he'll have to get past I was gonna say 35, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll have to get past me and my shotgun or whatever.
SPEAKER_00That's right, yeah.
SPEAKER_02But man, hear this because it's I think it's so important. You know what I said to her? I said, Blake, you're there's there's somebody that's walking this earth right now that God put on this earth for you, one person to meet this one person, and you don't need to go and find that person through dating or through this or through that. But what you do need to do is be the best version of yourself so that when he shows up, you're ready. And so, like, that's a different conversation than what a lot of dads would have with their teenage daughter. But I think it's important because moms are supposed to do what moms do, they're supposed to hug and love and be the emotional support. But usually the dads in we don't even realize you do it, but we create this wedge between our daughters to say, I don't want to know what's happening because you're changing and you know, you're going through all these things. But be the dad that wraps your arm around your kid and says, This is a real life situation, and here's how I can coach you and walk you through that because it's in the moments that they're there and you're not, that they'll lean on the index of what you've talked to them and prayed for them and and mentioned to them over the years, that will be where they go to to have those the to make the reaction in the moment when you're not there to protect them. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00Love that.
SPEAKER_02So I would definitely be be telling your daughters, like, hey, that what was doesn't mean that that's what is. In fact, what we're gonna do is we're gonna speak intentionally about the the amazing life that you're gonna share with somebody, and all you have to do is be the best version of yourself when he gets here.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's fantastic. I I also love what you were saying about it's really about watching and guarding your thoughts and seeing that that they're leading in the place that you want to go. Connor, have you ever found yourself realizing that maybe your thoughts are turning negative and that you have to turn it around, or do you stay pretty positive most of the time? I mean, it took a while.
SPEAKER_02It took a while. So, what did it take? Yeah, I mean, I was my father's son, so which had a lot of positive attributes, but I didn't realize it, and I was the same negative guy. Like, so and then and thank God my wife, when I was when we were in college, she was the one that kind of called me out on it. And she's like, Hey, you know, I'm doing some some stumbling across this stuff called the law of attraction, not the hypotheses, not the thought, not the idea, but the law of attraction. And the law of attraction states that what comes out of my mouth, I will I will bear that fruit back to me in some way, shape, or form. And so I said, All right, I got nothing to lose. At the time, I was a homeless kid. I had just gotten uh, I just played a playoff hockey game. I got hit in a slap shot with a slap shot in the throat, came back from that game and broke my shoulder the next game. So, what was I doing? I was being my father's son. Man, nothing ever good happens to me. Why can't I catch a break? Da-da-da-da-da. And she's like, Connor, let's let's try this attraction thing. Let's try speaking life. And I got so good at it over the last 20 years that even in the moments that that things aren't going well, you can, you know, you can take a step back and recognize, like, man, God will use all things for good for those that that believe in him and that are positive and and thinking in that positive way. But good might mean different things at different times. So when when when I really peel back where I came from, I I can think about this. The biggest tragedy of my life was burying my dad a week after I graduated high school. But if my dad doesn't die, I don't go to school in Pennsylvania. If I don't go to school in Pennsylvania, I don't meet Liz. If I don't meet Liz, I'm not motivated to build this business. But if I don't have Liz and this business, I don't have these five babies now. And if somebody would have said to my dad, you get 17 years with your boy, but when you go to heaven, he's gonna go and and and have this amazing life with his with his incredible wife and incredible kids. My dad would have taken that trade in a heartbeat. And frankly, looking back on it, so would I. I lost my best friend in the moment, but I gained so much more than that because of the worst thing that ever happened to me. So when you can spin even negativity into okay, what's the positive outcome that can come here? And you start to stack that as your body of work, man, it it's it it can change, and it does you don't have to do it when you're 17. Right. There are guys that started doing this when they were 50, 55, 60 years old, and the next 30 years was better than the first 50. The trade is worth it, you know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's good. So, okay, what would it look like where it's not just because I could see a person listening and they try it and they say, well, it's just false positivity. How do you make it go from just good thoughts to sort where it starts turning into your life and the actions that are taking place? So where I'm looking from, you know, things can be a little tougher financially, you know, maybe I need to be able to provide a little bit better for my kids and for you know their futures as well. Is it is it being positive? Is it gratitude? What are the first steps that I should take to turn my thinking around if I feel it turning the opposite direction?
SPEAKER_02I mean, you hit it, you hit the nail on the head, man. It's gratitude and positivity. And what I would say is like in a life that moves so fast, take the first 20 minutes and just slow down. And it doesn't mean that you need to go and get your doctorate in theology or that you need to go in and um you know become an expert in in writing the narrative of your life. But if you had an empty journal and you just put your pen on that journal every day, and in your quiet time, you just said, like, what is the calling for my life? Why, why am I here? How what is the best way that I can make an impact today? And just don't and say, I'm not leaving here until until those thoughts are are are revealed to me. And just wait and see what what happens, man, because it's in those quiet moments that that you'll start to get the that intuition of like where I'm supposed to be, what I'm supposed to do. I I was reading something earlier today of a of a guy, I think I had it here, of somebody that was in their early 50s and um they had never run before. Um and she in the year that she uh that she started to run, she having never run before, she put together the the right mindset to qualify for the Boston Marathon. And um, and then that running became her thing until she was, I think, 86 or 87 years old. And so, you know, I say all that to say that like there's a practical application to to the way that you're thinking. In my dad's case, it was a body of negative thoughts created a body that was hard to fight back from the the disease that jumped into into his body and took him, right? Um, but the the positive thing is like, hey, there is nothing stopping you from hanging up this phone today and going to the gym and saying, you know what, today I'm gonna walk, I'm gonna walk, I don't care if it takes me an hour, I'm gonna walk a 5K. And I'm just gonna see how how how it feels to get there. And then tomorrow I'm gonna take that next step. And if you start to to use the right framework of positive um thoughts and discipline, then there's nobody that's gonna say, Man, that was a waste of the last 30 days of my life. They start to get your body will chemically start to change in a way that that almost uh uh the momentum almost forces you to do more positive and good things.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's fantastic. And I love that you said that even in the 50s, you can look forward to the best years of your life ahead, and so it doesn't have
SPEAKER_02to be they're behind they can all be ahead but it's changing the mindset that's moving forward that you're going to head in a great direction yeah absolutely man and i i i don't have um i don't have an inner monologue i don't know if you remember like eight years ago there was this whole trending thing about whether you have an inner monologue or you don't and there's like 18 people in the world that don't and it just so happens that I'm one of them so I don't I don't have the the the inner monologue but what I see is always I'm always capturing my thoughts by by visions quick visions you know and so you know that it's like when you were going through the challenge that you were going through in a divorce what's not on your mind is that one day you'll be sitting in a hospital holding your grandbaby and that you have made enough deposits in your daughters' lives that they want you to be there in during those special moments. And there's a there's work that has to get done in your life the same way that there is for mine to make sure that we are the ones that are there to walk our daughters down the aisle both from a health standpoint as well as from a relationship standpoint to make sure that we're the ones that are there to be the first phone call when they're going to deliver a grandbaby and it's not a burden it's a privilege. But again even in that thought of like of wow this is going to be hard to get there versus it would be one of the greatest privileges of my life to be there. It's all about that that that small tweak in how you're positioning your thoughts.
SPEAKER_01Right. Yeah I think that's great. And that's something that's definitely been on my mind more uh I just turned 53 and thinking about just being in better shape, being healthier wanting to be around longer for my kids and to see those things. Connor what are I I'd love to hear your thoughts because I know that you've done seven marathons on seven continents.
SPEAKER_02What's your approach to prioritizing health too on top of busy work schedules and family and then also taking care of those types of things well I mean I don't think you can get I don't think you can put your body through the demands that it takes to be successful as as a father, as a husband, as a businessman in um without the discipline that comes along with that on the back end. You know so so as one point. The second point I would make is there will come a time whether we like it or not that we won't be able to put our sneakers on and go for go for a walk or go for a run. For me I hope that I'm well into my 80s or 90s at that point. But if you know without that daily um commitment that will be the 50s or the 60s for for some people. I mean my mom's been in a nursing home since she was in her mid-60s. But yet I know folks that are that are well into their 80s. One of the guys that just did 777 with me started running when he was I think 70 and he just completed his third 777. He's 83 years old he started at 70 yeah and he's 83 and he wants to do it every day uh every year until he turns 90 you know put 200 miles on the uh around the world every year until you're 90. So you can do it um people can get up and go but they have to have that that daily um discipline and there's nobody that's gonna wake up and and press you know press the alarm clock button for you you've got to get it out and do the work yourself you know right right that's inspirational I mean that just shows if you can start that at 70 and have those kind of goals for the next two decades of your life that's pretty incredible. Yeah I I read another one the other day uh it's actually right here the the uh this lady um her last name is Singh S-I-N-G-H started long distance running to overcome the grief of losing her husband at age 89 at 89 and became uh the oldest person to complete a full marathon at the age of 100 oh my goodness man like you're you you're not you're like relatively speaking man you're not even in like your teenage years compared to compared to her you're right right so to be able to to to do that but again like what's that mindset at 89 to say like I'm gonna get up and put one foot in front of the other to get 26.2 under my belt um it's it those are the kind of people you're like man that that that's super inspiring because if anybody has an excuse to sit back and and and take a day off it would be somebody that just lost a spouse that that uh has already put in decades and decades and decades of of career and work and raising kids and all this stuff. Yeah but it just goes to show man it's possible if if your head is in the right spot and your heart is in the right spot then um your probability and conditions for success goes up exponentially.
SPEAKER_01Connor when you did those seven marathons on seven continents did you have to work on your mindset at different points harder than than at other points?
SPEAKER_02I did I did.
SPEAKER_01Well what were the biggest challenges?
SPEAKER_02You know so uh for that that it was uh and as you know I I had a um a fractured leg going into the race and uh going into the race yeah I I heard it two days before we left for Africa and um and so for the first race it it was hot it was in uh Cape Town and I was trying to get used to what it was like to run on a on a broken leg.
SPEAKER_01And um it was um I didn't even know that was possible to run on a broken leg.
SPEAKER_02Man um and and so swelling came around the injury and all this stuff but I got I I was okay with it it just wasn't my best work. And then the second one was in Antarctica which um it is not not for me it was not the best place in the world. It was negative 30 degrees with 50 mile an hour winds um it was so cold that my phone wouldn't even go on. So you're just listening to yourself breathe for five hours.
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_02And and it was in that moment that um I on the first lap actually I was like you know what this is the dumbest thing I've ever done. My leg hurts. I'm so cold right now. I just did a marathon yesterday nobody will judge me if I hang them up you know and um I got through there was 10 laps and on the first lap when we were going through the start line um they had a little hut that you could warm up in and um and then you'd go and do another lap and then warm up again and do another lap. And uh I actually got through and I looked over at it and I thought to myself if I go into that hut I might not come out. So I I wound up actually staying in it the staying out the entire time until I finished the race um and and it dawned on me my my kind of breakthrough thought there was um to get to get through the the pain you got to go through the breakthrough. You know you have to go through to get to that next level you got to get through that that big thing whatever it is and so many people quit right on the doorstep of that because their head hurts or their heart hurts or because that body of work is is challenging whatever it is that they're dealing with and um you know it's it it you were just one step away potentially from getting to the other side of that you know yeah so when I was in um when I was in Miami at the seventh race so fast forward five days we've run through we went from negative 30 to 104 in Australia to 90 degrees and bone dry in in uh Abu Dhabi up to Portugal perfect conditions down to Colombia 95 degrees and 100% humidity and then finished in Miami and um at the at the first turn about three miles in I felt the rest of the ligament on my foot completely tear off and I was like oh man this is gonna stink this is going to be a long day and so um but again your body just gets so used to going forward a body an object that's that goes in motion stays in motion stays in motion right I'm just like continuing to roll forward and my daughter um took a lap with me it was 10 two and a half mile laps and she took a lap with me at mile 17 and at that point it was like audibly painful to to run my hip my knee my foot all on that same side everything else is going great but that leg was killing me and she she said dad um can you stop she said I can't hear you be in pain anymore it's uh I'm she's like tearing up and um and I said to her I go Blake you know um from the first day that you were born the prayer that I've had over your life is Isaiah 58 out of the ruins of of your past out of the ruins of past generations will come restoration for those that believe and so um today we're finishing I don't care if we need to crawl we are finishing this race and um because what you'll see is that we don't just give up because something hurts or because something is hard to do. We don't quit that's our new DNA that we are staying in this thing. And it just gave us this awesome opportunity to get to to finish the race together and um and then to to kind of break through and and again I think it was all mindset because the easiest thing to do would have been to quit and that's not a pat on my back but it's years of just saying we're gonna continue to persevere um in good times and in bad and that becomes a part of your DNA. So failing just doesn't become an option anymore.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. What did Blake say when you finished that race?
SPEAKER_02Uh she was awesome. I mean all five of the kids were were there and like hugging me and I was like guys I'm like drenched in sweat and I'm tired. But it was a moment that I could tell made it made an impact so much so that in her last basketball game in warmups um she broke her finger she caught a ball and it it popped her knuckle and actually just took her to the doctor this morning fractured uh pinky or uh ring finger yeah so um I said well how did you get through the game she's like well dad I I it was a it was a broken finger she's like you ran 200 miles on a broken leg. I can play a 25 minute basketball game with a with a bad finger so like again that's it just as fathers especially if you can just lead by example be a leader worth following be the one that is speaking life over your babies every day and every night whether they're two years old or 13 years old the power of that intentional um uh prayer changes everything I I don't remember what my dad sounds like but I'll never forget the way that he was positioned at the foot of my bed praying and speaking life over my twin brother and I so much so that again practical application dad is gone so I don't have the person to say don't drink don't do drugs right don't let us down don't whatever he was gone at the most vulnerable point in my life but all those years of those deposits left me thinking this is the practical application. So he's praying in a spiritual way but the practical application of that is that those opportunities came to drink to do drugs to make bad decisions to and it was like but what would dad think of that because I was worth him praying for me. And so if I was worth that much then I'm going to to do my best to honor him and make him proud of the person that I became you know what I mean so think about how that translates to your girls. It's like hey if if they hear me constantly saying that you that I want goodness over their life that I can't wait to for them to meet the person that God put here for them that I know they're gonna excel that I know my babies are going to come home we're gonna live in the same town together. We're gonna when you start to speak that on a consistent basis then it's an anomaly for them to not achieve that versus if you speak if if you don't say anything, they're left completely to figure it out on their own. And it's just their hearts are worth too much to let that happen.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Okay Connor there's there's two things that I want to touch on before we go today. And there's things that I've heard you say one was that when you get home that you push past the kids to get to your wife first which I thought that was an incredible way to prioritize your wife and your relationship and also that you're you live in a place that you hope that your kids will will want to stick around even once they're grown which you know I'd love to do the same thing for my kids and to create those conditions. So tell me a little bit about both of those please.
SPEAKER_02Yeah so I I think you know when you're when you're gone all day working yeah come home you know a lot of a lot of houses it's like dad's home so I've dealt with the kids all day or mom's home because dad's you know dad's at the the stay at home guy or whatever and whoever the one is that was home all day is like the other one's home time to push the kids over there. And many times that that person returning from work is on the receiving end. Okay I'm gonna take the kids and I'm gonna do XYZ but I heard something right after our daughter was born and so we have daughter son daughter son daughter um and and I think it was after my my oldest was born and they said the the premise was that kids tend to um to to look for attention in a way that they don't know how to discern good or bad but they know that mom and dad will align to either show them good attention or align to punish them. So the the theory was that if the kids know that mom and dad are good, that they're they're they're in a good spot that everything is is okay then um then they're less likely to to act in a way that would force mom and dad to align in disciplining them something to that effect. Yeah so I made up my mind early on I'm like hey Liz and I are going to have what what we call couch time where the the the chaos of the day can sit over here and wait five minutes but they need to see that mom and dad are good and they kind of at this point with the exception of the babies because at four and one they they don't seem to care as much about consistency. Right. But they the kids know like hey dad's gonna make sure that his that you know his best friend is is is hugged first you know and and it's so comforting to them because they don't need to worry about are mom and dad okay they can worry about the other million things that are going on in the world but they know that mom and dad are okay and most importantly to me Liz knows that that that mom and dad are okay my wife knows that you know so um so that's really cool and then and then you know with with regards to what we've done here um so we live in in celebration and our our alleyway we have a bunch of houses that all touch each other and so I've been saying since the kids were born I'm like guys we are going to dad's gonna buy every house on this street and um and and you'll have a choice you can work anywhere you want and go anywhere you want in the world or you can come home. And um and again I think it's like it's it's a cool thing to see how things manifest because that intention actually caused me to look at my career differently so that I would be able to develop enough resources so that when opportunities came up to expand our portfolio to purchase real estate around us, I was in a position to do that. Well that's we already are starting that process of acquiring the different properties don't tell my neighbors but um but we have we have started to we we bought what are the first house behind us we'll buy the next one behind us as the opportunities come up um so that the babies know that the chaos of the world can be over there but as long as as long as I'm alive and probably for a few years afterwards that they'll know that there's protection. And I think that's one of the things that that has changed so much in the last 30 years. It's like when I was growing up and probably when you were growing up our parents were very much like hey I'm gonna get you to high school kid but when past high school you're kind of on your own yeah you're on your own after that yeah it's like the the the the the sort of um middle class way of of approaching things like I got him to high school there's your diploma get going um but I think we're moving into a time in this country's life cycle that because of the cost of real estate and this sort of diminishing middle class so to speak that you're gonna see for the first time us look more European where you'll have multiple generations under one roof. And so even with that like that can either be like oh man I can't believe I'm gonna have to live under the same roof with these people or it can be the preparation of your mind and your heart um going into you know a 10, 20, 30, 40 year season to say, man, the blessing would be for for generations to be able to love and support and be close by to one another and whatnot. You know, we didn't have that Liz's parents were divorced when she was three she doesn't really know her her mom and and um and my parents my dad died at 17 and my mom got sick right after that. And so um if we can just be sprinkling the the miracle grow on that family tree and then speaking life over that tree to say like we are we are walking in that blessing it becomes a it'll become weird if it doesn't manifest that way. Right. Because we're so specific about what we're calling into it, you know.
SPEAKER_01Right. Connor, very inspirational thank you so much for taking the time to talk today.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely man it's been a pleasure thank you.
SPEAKER_01If this episode resonated with you I'd love to hear from you. Share it with someone who might need it and leave a review if you're feeling generous and if you have questions or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes reach out at Gabe at more clientsmorefun.com. I'm figuring this out right alongside you. New episodes of Starting Over at 50 drop every week you can find us on Apple Podcasts Spotify and YouTube wherever you listen. Before I go I need to thank two people who make this podcast possible my brother Paul who's my business partner and the reason I get to work daily with financial advisors and my daughter Issa who does the incredible job of editing each episode. I couldn't do this without them I'm Gabe McManus and I'll see you in a week. Until then take care of yourselves show up for your kids and remember we're figuring this out together.